Why

Why?

I'm not sure. For a lot of reasons. To many to count categorize or define.

I'm not trying to get away from my friends, mostly just trying to get away from myself. My fear of doing the wrong thing which ironically causes me to so often do or say the wrong thing or miss important cues. Learning to appreciate what home is by not having one for a while.

I often feel lost. Lately, even as I feel like I may be getting closer than ever to going the wright direction with my life, i seem to feel more lost and scared than ever. I guess I had it all worked out. How my life was going to play out, so straight and normal. I knew it wouldn't make me happy, but I thought I knew I wasn't meant to be happy. I thought it didn't mater what changes I made so why not just do what I"m supposed to do.

Being happy. Maybe I can be happy. I don't mean happy moments, I mean a life well lived and true belonging in the place I am and the rolls I fill. Fulfillment to the deepest level of my being. I don't know what that will look like for me and I dont' know where I will have to go to find it.

So I ride. Riding a bicycle will force me to take my time. A lot of time. It might feel like too much time on some days.

Letting go of my past mistakes, forgiving myself, letting go of my future expectations. Living in the moment, feeling, seeing those around me.

As I rode today I had a thought. I  will leave you with this. It's never too late to do something amazing. Many people, myself included, might think, "If only I would have spent more time when I was younger doing this or that so that I would have those skills now". It's not too late. If you're reading this, you're alive, so get started. It my take a while, and you may fail, many times. It's all part of the journey. If you have a dream, you want to do something amazing, DO IT.